She's In Denial.

31 December 2005

After reading so many blogs with the blogger's resolution, here comes mine.

I don't really know what i want. But it's alright. I shall list down those that are on my mind.

1. Smile and be happy.

2. be more optimistic.

3. Have at least 5k in my bank acc. LOL.

4. Revamp for my room.

5. Get rid of those yucky scars. A die-die-also-must must.

6. Study well when Im in poly.

7. Practise my no-commitment stand. =x]

8. Live life to the fullest. =D

Blablabla. lol. Lets see which of the above is attainable.

I remembered in the past, I used to write my new year resolution down on a piece of paper and seal it. And at the end of the year, I would unseal it and see what was acheived. So here. Now. I gonna copy it down on a piece of paper.

Yes. New year's coming and Im working.

AND I GONNA MISS THAT P&P CHALET.

>.<

sad la.

Left`alone
12/31/2005 12:27:00 AM™

29 December 2005

Again. Another one. I can't believe that i cried. Over this.

This is the second time I feel so much of a fool. I did feel it few months ago. But why again when I've finally recovered from that? Maybe im destinated to meet guys who're like this. My anti-commitment stand works well. Once more.

Im insensitive. Heartless. Whatever. Im immuned to everything; say whatever mean stuff to me. I may cry right now but next minute i'll be fine again. What can i do? Im trained, skilled, professional. Shit. Full-time loser you.

I hate it when history repeats itself.

Left`alone
12/29/2005 12:33:00 AM™

28 December 2005

Yes. what the. FUCK.

Do you freaking know how it feels to do painting with stomach upset? It's so irritating that I have to bear with the stupid upset while stretching my arms and head like shit in order to reach the impossible area on a stool of diameter no more than 30cm, and please, Im trying to keep my balance as well.

And early in the morning, this stupid unbearable upset caused me to cancel this particular matter. But somehow it was seen as an excuse to get time for some fucking more sleep or paint my room.

Im so freaking pissed.

So YAH. what the fuck.

Left`alone
12/28/2005 08:24:00 PM™

Am I suppose to curse fuck over this matter? No idea. This should be something unpleasant for me. For your info, Im still listening to Jay's album. Ms Vickii here is toooo freaking free to surf friendster and came upon that bastard's profile, fingers too itchy to go click on his name and *poof* his big-big-plain-plain profile appear right in front of me with his big-big-plain-plain photos of him and his friends. And suddenly, my eyes went wet. But I ain't crying. Just have the urge to, upon remembering all that happened. How can i control this feeling? It had been more than a year with him around. Which means that 365++ days of memories. Maybe it was just an accident. And after 365++ days in coma, I have finally regain my conscious. But this coma has great impact on me. All the pain inflicted. fuck. fuck. fuck. Im not mad. But i have no idea how to express this unexplicable emotion.

So for the time being, just let me use fuck. =x

Left`alone
12/28/2005 01:48:00 AM™

I was listening to Jay Chou's album, and realised that Im indeed BAD.

Bad because I choose to ignore when nothing seem to be going the right way for me. That's my character i suppose. Cause it did not happen to him only. I just get to know about it; that I had done that at least twice. Both said that I ignored them, and it was during the same period of time. That bastardy time. No-no. Im not blaming that bastard, although he was the reason for it. The fault was with me. Im too dumb in making those ignoring acts. Bad time then. I was too naive in thinking that he's all that i need. With that thought, I had sort of shut all communications with friends and people around me. That was when I seemed to have drifted apart with almost everyone. He detest me having contacts with guys. That's why. All the stress he gave, that's the reason. But it's not with the stress. It was just the way i handle it - I choose to ignore. That's my fault. See it? Got it? I hate to think about all these. About how bad I am. Right. So no choice but to accept the fact.

Since Im bad, just let me be the utmost bad right. Here, the reason for my anti-commitment entry. Here. See see see? It is always like this. I am never good, never ever a good girl.

Although Im bad, I hate to be reminded of this fact. I know, you know, that's enough. Just keep it inside you. Your kindness will be greatly appreciated. Hey, Im not directing at anyone. Really. In fact, I have no idea who's reading my blog. And the counter seemed to be mad. Are there really 8 people reading it at one go? Omg. Pls. If you're reading, kindly leave a name at my board to inform me about your presence. Or else I will just complain that their counter is faulty. =x

This post, another crappy one.

Left`alone
12/28/2005 01:03:00 AM™

26 December 2005

How fun can it get to work my xmas off?

Fun factor = unknown.

>.<

Left`alone
12/26/2005 12:09:00 AM™

25 December 2005

Hey peeps, it's christmas! So here goes..

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Xmas eve was full of surprises. Gift exchanges were fun. Haha. But up till now, I have only gave out 1 xmas gift. Reason? work and work. Wc had to come to my work place and find me in order to get his gift la. And I got cookies in exchange. Delicious yummy-ing!

Thomas surprised me with his creativity. I can't imagine it. It is a notebook initially and he transformed it into a organiser! OMG. So cute and lovely. >.<

And I received something too much for me to accept from Ty. So if you are reading this, I have to say a big Thankyou for that. It is indeed a surprising surprise.

Merry xmas my girl friends, boy friends, neighbours, strangers.

Left`alone
12/25/2005 09:46:00 AM™

24 December 2005

Look at the time. It's xmas eve! Say HOO. Say RAY. SAY HOORAY!

HAHa. okay ookay. Im just too lame.

What a lonely xmas. I never receive any xmas cards. Neither do i receive any xmas gifts~! haha. But it's all right. x'mas is all about the xmas-sy mood.

I shall blog more on my off-days. So fast. X'mas is coming, following by New Year then Chinese New Year then my bday then then then... forever going on.

Life is hectic recently. With work to juggle, household matter to pounder, and friends to catch up with. School holiday is ending soon, which means that those going JC for the first 3 months will be 'gone' real SOON. I gonna miss them la. >.<

MacDonalds as supper for so many days in a row ended me up with sorethroat and headache. How.. dots. But Im happy, that there's someone I can have supper with, and to end my day. HAHA. =D

Left`alone
12/24/2005 12:07:00 AM™

22 December 2005

You know what it means when it's raining?

Rainy day.

Left`alone
12/22/2005 01:14:00 PM™

21 December 2005

So! After so much time for me to think about what to blog, I have finally decided on one topic. Not everyone knows all and not all know everything. HAHAHA. How confusing.

Let me tell u more about myself.

1. I can't stand those who litter around. If they are my friends and I know that I won't offend them by asking them to pick up the litter and throw it into a bin, I will definitely do it. =P Somehow, I remembered asking that bastard to pick up his litter and throw it into a bin. And he shot me his 'look'.

2. I will brush my teeth when I feel like. What I mean here is that I will brush no matter where I am. There was once when I went into Watson's to get a set of toothbrush and toothpaste, and the next minute I was in the public toilet brushing away. HEEs.

3. I can study anywhere elses except at home. When at home, I studied 1 chapter in 2 hours. When Im at MacDonalds, I studied more than 2 chapter in 1 hour. =D

4. I love to go to East Coast Park at night; to watch the waves and enjoy the breeze. Yes I love it. And I can even stay there until the next day, provided that there's someone accompanying me.

5. I admire artists who are talented and hardworking. For example, MAYDAY!, JAY CHOU, LEE HOM, DAVID TAO, SHOW LUO. lol. So buy me their albums. And I only support original HOR.

6. I say NO means NO. Unless for cases whereby they are not really that important to say no. If not, I will remain still with my stand.

7. PeOpLE WhO TyPe lIkE ThIs ArE ChIlDiSh. That's my opinion. Although it is not a fact, but still it is a great turn-off. Especially guys.

8. I love vegetables. HAHA. Call me the green monster! =P

9. I love tea. Red tea, green tea, iced tea, lemon tea, peach tea, whatever tea. I love them all.

10. Hello Kitty is cute. HEEs.

11. My room is in a terrible mess. You'll be shocked, stupified, stunned and idiot-ised when you step into my room.

12. I love shopping. Those who feel that money is nothing can just hire me to spend theirs.

13. Reading is one of my hobbies. By the way, Im going to the library tomorrow and I will go to the National Library; on one fine day.

14. The only Jazz singer I know is Katie Melua. All thanks to Daniel Eng Wee Peng who lend me his discman on one fine day when we were at starbucks studying. And surprisingly, I still cannot find her album.

15. I dread PE lesson. But I love jogging. =x

16. I love sweet preserved plums. Those sweet one please. I shall emphasise again. SWEET!

17. Baking. Favourite! I love to bake but don't like to eat what I have baked. LOL.

18. I enjoy shopping in super markets. So auntie right. But nvm. I love it leh. =P

19. I love gift-wrapping. HAHHAHA. To the extent that I can just set up a gift-wrapping counter.

20. I like chicken breast meat. My mum says Im stupid for this. DOT.

21. I dream about my future. A busy career women; a young mother; a rich tai-tai; an old women with nobody to depend on. OMG. I prefer the career women or rich tai-tai.

22. I see nothing in those blogs with ' I woke up lor.. then brush my teeth.. today toothpaste taste a little bit weird.. but nvm lo... maybe spoil already... then i watch tebe lo... then my tebe spoil also... then bobian i go out walk walk.... then wah so exciting.. my friend make me wait for one hour one minute.. very pekcek leh.. but nvm la... see her so friend friend then i forgive her lor.. then we walk walk my shoes spoil also.... bla bla bla '. Like wtf, your daily life interesting meh? Lol. It's more than a description of what that blogger had done then a decent post. I shall just reply: Your toothpaste spoil my problem ah. =P

23. I get tired after reading a book. So sleeping pills = few pages of stories. Hee.

24. I enjoy reading blogs with interesting entries. Who doesn't eh? Go see my links and click on 'Daniel'. After reading his, can try KennySia's. But don't go Xx's. I hate hers. lol.

25. I hate to let others know my Chinese name. So don't bother to ask if you don't know. OH PLS.

That's all for now. haha. Shall update more.

Left`alone
12/21/2005 12:46:00 AM™

Off days. That's the only thing Im expecting every since work start.

Many things do happened.

I've no idea what to say, how to explain, where to start with.

x'mas eve.

Somehow, is it good or bad la. Dumbo.

KABOOO. I shall update tomorrow where I have more ideas.

So do check back, and a big big thank YOU =S

Left`alone
12/21/2005 12:14:00 AM™

16 December 2005

Breaking news to someone else is terrible, especially when it is a bad or not pleasing one. I told him what I had said weeks ago, reiterating my words all over again, with the intention of ending it once and for all. I know. Im just too bad, evil, terrible, horrible and etc. Shoot me all those bad and nasty words. But what I have done, it's all for him. There's no point being so optimistic about this, particularly this, when everything seem to be in the wrong place and timing in the beginning. It's not about how well he treats me but how some things will never ever change. With that, it's not me who's starting a new life but him. Someone told me, " He's a nice guy. Telling him that will benefit other girls." So instead of feeling bad, I shall adjust my thinking to this.

Yes you, Im sorry.

Left`alone
12/16/2005 11:54:00 PM™

He surprised me again, somemore.

Even when Im working in Wisma, which was a last minute change, I still got shocked.

aye. Don't surprise me anymore. I can't handle it.

Get me?

Im in no mood to blog about anything right now.

Left`alone
12/16/2005 11:39:00 PM™

15 December 2005

x'mas eve, x'mas, post-x'mas.

Somehow, I don't have a good feeling about it right now.

fuck.

Ending it once and for all. Although it may not be a good method to do so, but at least that's the only one i could think off. Forgive me.

Left`alone
12/15/2005 10:55:00 PM™

14 December 2005

Took some test to post on blog. Here goes the results.

Popular Kid

In high school, everyone knew your name - even if you didn't know theirs.

In fact, your still skating by on your looks and charm. Nothing wrong with that!

href="http://www.blogthings.com/whowereyouinhighschoolquiz/">Who Were You In High School?

You Are 20% Boyish and 80% Girlish

Even if you're not a girl, you're very feminine.
You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you.
A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down.
But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

LOL IM SO GIRLISH!

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced.
You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

HAHA. this shall decide. =x

You Are a Little Scary

You've got a nice edge to you. Use it.

How Scary Are You?

LOL!

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

It's okay. Aquarius tend to be weird. hahahaha.

Your Hair Should Be White

Classy, stylish, and eloquent.
You've got a way about you that floors everyone you meet.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

WHAHAHAHHA!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

Left`alone
12/14/2005 09:53:00 PM™

Freakkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

It's my off day kudddoooos!

My cousin came this afternoon and will be staying for few days. OMG. He's damn noisy i can say. There goes my peaceful off days.

Went out to meet thomas during his dinner break just now to get presents for my friends. Haha. Ok. We're like rushing everywhere, here and there, up and down cause he got to go back to work! Lalalalala. Well, I don't really have to get the presents today. See la! Make me feel so bad for making you rush. WEI! =x

Im tired plus bored.

How ah? what to do tomorrow? lol

I'll be working on xmas day. So peeps, come find me at The Face Shop and wish me Merry X'mas!

Left`alone
12/14/2005 09:10:00 PM™

13 December 2005

My neck started hurting since yesterday. And this morning, it got worse. How shitty.

Desperately, I got my mum to buy Salonpas for me and went to work straight. LOL.

Now it still hurts.

This is sad. haha

Im craving for PP again. hohoho. Maybe, getting some tml.

Im tired.

My legs hurt.

My feet hurt.

My toes hurt.

BUT.

Tml's my off day!

Left`alone
12/13/2005 11:53:00 PM™

12 December 2005

U know why? Because, my legs didn't hurt that much for the whole day! BUT instead, my neck hurts like hell.

Sq came to visit with her guy. Haha. As usual, guys shunned away as if The Face Shop is a tigress or whatever. As the whole stretch consist of mostly beauty care shops, guys would stay outside and wait for their girlfriends or bla bla la. Her guy is no exceptional. LOL. What a interesting sight eh.

Ty waited for my work to end and he bought me Mac! How kind of him. SO KIND LA. But strictly no supper for me, so that's my breakfast for tml. haha.

Im sick of having sandwiches for lunches you know. But too bad. Nobody works in Bugis, which mean that nobody to have lunch with, and no need to spend money on lunches again. Is this good or bad? =x

Left`alone
12/12/2005 11:25:00 PM™

I behaved like a small kid this morning, digging out coins from every corner and bags. BUT I COULD ONLY FREAKING DIG OUT FEW CENTS. =.=''

How am i going to sastify my craves la. haha.

aye. I gtg for work right now.

GOOD-BYE and wish me have a nice day.

Left`alone
12/12/2005 11:15:00 AM™

11 December 2005

HAHAAAAAAAAA.

Im crazily, madly, ultra-ly insane.

When I received the preserved plums 2days ago, I made a mental note to only take 2 a day. But instead of taking only 2 per day, I FINISHED ALL IN 2 DAYS, except for the sour-sweet ones. They're just too sour for me. =x haha. How horrible. Just like a perserved plums incinerator. LOL. Especially when i replaced my dinner with those plums. hah. Don't tell me this. I know. My life revolves around them. HOHOHO.

People around me seem to be eating MacDonalds. Priscilla and XiuYue, my colleagues, had Mac for dinner. The aroma was so damn tempting la. Compare that to my egg-smelling sandwiches. Ohmigod. It's like comparing a toad with a swan. =x haaaaa. This is not all. On my way home, this uncle standing behind me bought Mac for supper i supposed, and that aroma filled my nostrils instantly. LOL. Oh my oh my. NO. I don't need Mac. Just something better so I can ditch my sandwiches. Maybe i should get a good-nice-smelling-365-days sandwiches recipe book. haha.

x'mas is coming!!

There's so many things I want, to do and to possess. But it's either that I have no time, no money, no opportunity, no mood, no chance, no hope or no motivation. Cool eh? I have all the No-s but no Yes-s.

I realised that Show Luo [ xiao zhu ] is a very hard working artist. All the things he went through recently did not pull him back or dampen his motivation. How i wish i can be like him. Maybe i shall just support his latest album. HAHAHA.

You wanna know the reasons why I say im insane? B'cuz. This. Let me tell you something. When I went to the toilet today, I saw this vandalism on the wall of a cubicle that says 'blablabla was here' and the date. Ohforgoodnesssake it reminded me that that bastard's birthday is coming. wth. WTH. The next second, I shook my head and punch that ass-pain-thought off my mind. Why the fuck must I remember his birthday and actually think that 'oh it's his birthday?!' HAha. Insane eh? Another reason, you will realise it upon reading up till here. Can you see it??

No?

NO?!

OMG.

Don't you realise that the content of this post does not link at all??!!

Isn't this insane? haha

I just realise. How time flies.

Left`alone
12/11/2005 11:14:00 PM™

Watched SawII yesterday night at 11+. Actually, it's not disgusting but hilarious. Everything's so fake la, especially the part where that guy cut his skin down. LAMEASS.

HEH. I find myself so pathetic. Lunches = sandwiches, HOMEMADE sandwiches.

Can't blame anyone. Im left with 3bucks.

HOHOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOHOHOOOO.

Left`alone
12/11/2005 09:56:00 AM™

10 December 2005

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Do you know how frustrating it is to wake up at 8 am when i actually plan to wake up at 8.30am?

Damn it. Im so freaking tired right now but couldn't get to sleep. And for your info, Im leaving for work at 9.30am. That's like Fuckit. lol.

Ty gave me a surprise yesterday. STUNNED BY HIM LA.

But anyway, thanks a lot.

Left`alone
12/10/2005 08:40:00 AM™

09 December 2005

For Yanisa.

We met at Bedok interchange, and I waited for them for 30minutes. HAHA.

There's Yanisa the birthday girl, mich, ben, kaiyeong, shang and me!

Went to Thai Express for dinner. Reason? Thai birthday girl should have a Thai dinner since she is a Thai. Quite cute eh.

It's Benjamin!!

And I took a photo with the B'day girl!

Again. haha.

Yes. I hate my scars.

So after some photo-taking, I went to figure out how to use Yanisa's cam. And that's jia xian beside me. She's so feminine LAH.

KaiYeong and Shang. haha.

And Mich n ME! Look at how she smile. =D

So the night looks like this.

And a grp photo, without the photographer Kaiyeong. =x

I love this. LOOK AT THAT SHANGLI. Like X'mas tree like that!

And the girls, with Yanisa's birthday present from Thai Express. WINE.

LOL. Guess who is this.

Yarh. At last got Kaiyeong.

And POOF, he's gone to be the photographer again.

After eating the cake and fooling around more, we decided to go to the roof terrace but unfortunately...

IT'S FREAKING CLOSED ON 8 DEC. HOW LUCKY.

Left`alone
12/09/2005 09:58:00 AM™

08 December 2005

You know what does PP stands for?

PRESERVED PLUMS. =D

I enjoy and love them so much! haha. Someone, buy me a huge packet please? I want sweet ones, not sour. Thankyou.

hah.

Im so fucking bored.

HELL. There's work tomorrow.

Left`alone
12/08/2005 05:53:00 PM™

There's so many things i want.

I want a schedule book for 2006 from Kinokuniya. The one that is damn cute!

I want a new handphone. A cool and stylo one.

I want a chauffeur! So that my legs won't hurt that much after work.

HAHA.

Anyone kind enough to give me any of the above?? I will be freaking grateful.

Gonna work tomorrow. Aye. Not that i dread working but I do miss working at Marina Sq. MASAMI!

lol. She's too cute to resist la. haaaaaaa

Btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YANISA!!

Left`alone
12/08/2005 12:23:00 PM™

07 December 2005

Anyone wants Vickii's Spritz Cookies??

HAHA.

Delicious and yummy!

You will definitely crave for more after a bite!

LOL.

Left`alone
12/07/2005 01:50:00 PM™

06 December 2005

HAHA. I forgot to blog about this guy yesterday.

It's like this.

As usual, I was trying my best to serve the customers. Then this two guys came in. One of them asked me to introduce him to some of the popular and better ones, saying that he's from MediaCorp Press. Im new la! If normally a customer ask me that question, I'll get more infomation about her skin condition before introducing the products and tell her that different skin have different needs, so it's hard to tell which is the more popular ones. But as for him, I told him about the different-skin-different-needs 'theory' and since he's from the press and I might not be a good info-provider, I told him that Im still new and maybe I can get my senior to serve him better. Im surprised that he said 'nevermind'. AND Im even surprised that he said ' Jia You! Ni neng zuo dao de! Ni yi ding xing!' AHHH! In English it means ' You can do it! You can! ' in a very encouraging way. It's like when you are in a race, running and running like you are dying, and your friends encourage you to go on, giving you the energy to complete the race. That's the way! He said it in such a manner. OMG. Im so freaking touched and thankful! This is the first time a customer encouraged me upon hearing that Im still new there. It's more than just saying 'you can do it', but the encouraging tone as well.

I will definitely remember what he have said whenever I feel helpless and stupid. =x

Must really thank him. lol.

Today was tiring as well, and not as fun as working in Marina Sq. Maybe because Im still new to the environment and the people there. But no choice. I will be at Bugis if nothing happen. So, have to mingle around more often, making use of my friend-making skill! Haha. Competition is tough at Bugis. Can you imagine having Watson's, Missha and Basic Beauty beside theFACEshop; they sell almost the same products. Oh my.

And this scar on my arm is swelling and hurting like nobody's business.

Chop it off la.

Tomorrow's my off day!

heh HEH!

Left`alone
12/06/2005 11:29:00 PM™

My legs are hurting.

Im so freaking tired.

Work was fun with Masami jiejie.

I've learnt how to shape my nails the way I always wanted to.

She's kind as well. Haha.

Treat me to roti prata and bought me a nail shaper.

I LOVE MASAMI! lol.

And I'll be working at Bugis outlet from tomorrow onwards. Aye. Did i mention that im currently working at The Face Shop? haha. Must come 'peng chang' HOR.

Just hope that I have enough time and capital to complete making all the x'mas gifts for my friends.

Bless me!

No long entry today. Lack of idea and well, fagged out.

Yanisa's birthday is coming!

[ Mine as well. LOL. ]

Left`alone
12/06/2005 12:02:00 AM™

04 December 2005

Will be meeting Mich later for shopping as well as gift searching for Yanisa.

I just hope that my off days fall on Wed and Thurs. PLEASE! haha. So I can happily celebrate Yanisa's birthday with my buddies. =x

Btw, Im preparing x'mas gifts. Drop me a message - "count me in!" LOL.

Christmas is all about thanks giving and exchanging presents? yes dear.

Im getting excited about it!

Left`alone
12/04/2005 10:28:00 AM™

03 December 2005

Someone knock me in my head PLEASE.

Im thinking about something that I am not suppose to. It's impossible.

So kindly wake me up before i sink deeper.

Argh.

HAHA. My constant rumblings well paid off!

All because Im down with chickenpox, there is many many many stuff that I couldn't eat. Terrible feeling! So, whenever there is any food-related commercial being shown on television, I would go ' I want to eat this!!!!! I want i want i want i want i want!' heh. And upon hearing my rumbles and the fact that I had happily recovered, my dad is going to get MacDonalds for me. LOL. Not as if I never have that before. Just that I did rumble when the ad is on.

TEEHEE.

Left`alone
12/03/2005 06:40:00 PM™

I dressed down and went to the library just now. A childhood tee, jeans, slippers and my orange nike bag. My hair was down as well. No attempt to cover the scars. Yes. And I made it to the library, safely.

There's this book on the shelf. ' ..... Bastard .... '. I can't remember the title, only that word. omg. Why this word. You know what? He came into my mind. Bastard. Shit. =x

Im broke. Saw this ngee ann guy on my way home and he was shocked to see me. HAHAHA. How i wish i could take a photo of his funny expression.

Somehow.
I wonder. Will you ever see me dressed in such a way.

Typical auntie style.

Worn out tshirt, out-of-fashion knee length skirt, fake esprit shoulder bag and unruly hair.

Left`alone
12/03/2005 12:48:00 PM™

02 December 2005

I went to East Coast again, with Henry.

And I had no idea why.

It keeps on flashing.

On and on and on and on.

That night. Everything seemed so right. We were happily playing with sand, throwing at each other. Laughter. Yes.

That night. I can't exactly remember whether it was the same night. Outside NAPS. Nothing seemed right. Quarrels and tears. The overhead bridge. His confrontation. He cried but I held my tears back. A long night for me, and since then, I hate silence.

That night. At the fitness corner. I remembered. That bastard.

That night. Bastard. That song that kept going in my mind. That song the pub played. Love, me by Collin Raye. He tried to be smart by guessing the title. But i got it right instead.

There's so many nights. I can't forget. Never will I. Even the bad and ugly ones.

That's the night.

Left`alone
12/02/2005 11:36:00 PM™

At last. I packed and restore the tidiness of my room.

I changed my greeny curtains.

I got rid of that old black radio.

I pushed everything into place.

I tried to put up a sucidal act while cleaning my windows.

But sadly, it got so scary when i pop my head, just my head, out of the window. And in the end, i got my mum to clean them instead.

For goodness sake, it's only the fifth storey.

But.

I haven't find a place to dump that big teddy bear Bastard gave me.

I haven't locate a nice position for that big red heart I got for valentine's few years back.

[ See that contradiction now? ]

I haven't re-paint the walls with the colours i want.

I haven't 'settle' that table with my television.

I haven't rearrange the items on my study table.

I haven't re-paint my study table.

I haven't complete my packing.

I haven't go to Ikea for new furniture.

I haven't get new clothes for my wardrobe.

I haven't pack my wardrobe.

I haven't... there's too freaking many things i haven't do.

Nevermind. Im still glad that my room has this look now.

My new curtain. Giving my room that melancholy look o.0

Maybe i shall reveal where my unit is. Try guessing.

Now, another shot. I hate that window though. It's flowery pattern. OMG.

This soap pig / pig soap given by Mich. It's on my table originally. But since it's a soap with some sort of scent, I decided to hang it on my window grills. haha. Look at how cute it is.

But after a closer look, it seem to be calling out for help with its pathetic-cum-pity face.

So ya. I used the curtain to cover it.

Im thinking of making gingerbread man since christmas is coming. But ginger.. spices... who will want to have a bite?

=.=''

Gimme a break.

Left`alone
12/02/2005 02:17:00 PM™

01 December 2005

Hey! I've added more items to my Christmas wishlist! Check it out dude. haha

And, Im certain that by Christmas, I won't be able to get/buy all the items and hence decided to extent it to my Birthday wishlist as well! HAHA. Since my Birthday is coming soon.

*gleeeeee*

Can you believe it? I've actually planned what to do for my birthday.

I want a party for my 17th Birthday!

And for my 18th Birthday, I want to celebrate it in a club. But there's a problem. Most of my friends are younger than me; their birthdays are not in Jan or Feb! So, they won't be able to get in. hah. =.=''

hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Im thinking too much. My birthday is like 3mths away. 3MTHS!

But nevermind. I can start thinking about Christmas and New Year. :D

Christmas, Christmas. I want [!] a white christmas! LOL. Impossible. But I do hope that i can spend my Christmas with my friends. PLEASE!

And New Year, no doubt it will be fun. There's P&P chalet! haha. sooo.. a big big YESSs.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

It's weird. I have been giving a lot, freaking hell lot, of thoughts about relationship and stuff. And I conclude that I won't get myself involved in commitment until I am old enough, maybe the age of 25? :D There was once i told rui that I won't get into a relationship until 25, and i mean to do it. I seek for care and concern, as well as the feeling of being loved. But no, no matter what I do, there's no way for me to get committed. I may appear as flirting around to others, but so what? Serious speaking, I don't really care about it. Nobody gets serious in these days. You get the love you want, with no strings attached. Isn't that great? You get the freedom to move on anytime, continue with your search for the better when you start to lose interest in the current one. Isn't that what guys want? Instead of the girl clinching on to him, he has the freedom, all the freedom in the world! It won't hurt. Reason? Cause NOBODY is serious in the first place. Nobody is devoted. Great?

I know. For those who still believe in ' true love does exist!!!! ' , continue to do so. It is still beautiful to believe in such phrases. For me, it does. But not at this time, this generation, this age, this moment. You may have a liking for someone, but it may be a crush only. The feeling will soon go away and when it is gone, what is left is only a burden.

I have a friend who is attached to her guy for more than a year. The feeling is there in the beginning, but it no longer does. Now, she wants to end it. But the guy doesn't want to. Adding on to that, she too, isn't sure whether she is able to cope with life without him since she has already gotten used to having him around. Im sure she can. The problem is with the guy. He doesn't want to leave, and he can do anything to make her stay. Look at this. That's the outcome of relationship. I believe that if everyone is suave enough, such thing would not have happened. When the feeling is gone, there's no point holding on. But not everyone understands this. I know, it takes a freaking hell lot of courage to let go. And you will tend to lose him/her as a friend as well. So why make things so difficult? The best way is to strike out commitment.

I say this, not because I have gone through a terrible relationship and lose trust in guys. I never lose trust in guys, but enlightened. I have been suave and outright all these while regarding such matter, and it is taxing. Somehow.

Im not trying to carry out propaganda down here. Really. Just for my friends to understand my stand and what's on my mind now.

Love me for who i am.

Left`alone
12/01/2005 10:55:00 AM™